Nityanand Restaurant (Kalina, Mumbai)

It’s now coming to the end of 2016, and if by now you have never been on the website Urban Dictionary, I deplore you as a Luddite and primitive savage with little interest in lexical progress.

A few recent definitions from the site were:

1) “blogger”: a person with enough time or narcissism to document every tedious bit of minutia filling their uneventful lives

2) “restaurant”: a place where you work after you have given up on your dreams.

3) “foodie”: A person who has no actual interests or hobbies.

Anyway, back to Nityanand, I was searching for the best way to describe this rather large Pure Veg joint in Kalina, right across from my Victorian Workhouse (the office). “Solid” seems to be the most apt.

“Solid” ¬†something you might say in confirmation, or congratulations to someone who either did something tight, or when you are on the same wavelength.

Everyone needs a place like Nityanand. The food is dependable and the service is friendly. To be quite frank it’s rather reasonable, old sport (Definition: “A Phrase everyone uses after watching/reading the american story of The Great Gatsby, in which Di Caprio dies in the water and doesn’t end with the girl. Again”)

A dish of bhindi masala was fresh and well cooked. Whilst trying to avoid pedantry, it is has to be noted that the oil was not exactly the most pleasant, and had a strange bright yellow glow to it. The dry Soya Masala, with onions sweated down till they were almost caramelised, was a good dish and a bit different from the usual sabji. However, it seems Soya is nearly as rare as rocking horse excrement at Nityanand; on several occasions, only once were they able to rustle me up a plate of this textured vegetable protein.

The chai is slicker than your average (thank you Craig David…), but they do charge 10 INR extra for NOT having sugar. If I had my “Freakeconomics” cap on I might be inclined to discuss the merits of third degree price discrimination in the Pigouvian sense. As a health conscious, none sugar ingesting millennial, I’m likely to have a higher reservation price than a normal sugar-eating homo sapien. Get it?

Two satisfactory veg dishes and a cuppa down and I’ve barely breached 200 INR! I’ll just keep on humming those Ashford and Simpson lyrics “solid, Solid as a rock..”


(defined as “the electronic sign off of any over zealous, ass kissing up-and-comer in academia”)

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